As I shared previously, my guy started chemotherapy for leukemia on Monday. As if it wasn’t difficult enough, he has chosen it to completely shut me out. I know how very sick chemotherapy can make a person. I can’t even imagine how sick he is right now. I am sure he is suffering. I just wish he did not shut me out. I wanted to be there for him. It hurts my heart to know he is in such great pain. I just wanted to love on him and support him. But I guess I have to respect that he does not want me involved. It just hurts me even more.
Just when I thought I was going to reach a breakthrough, this happens. I am second-guessing myself. I am telling myself maybe I got it all wrong. I am continuing with my daily prayers. However, it is hard not to think maybe I am wasting my time at this point.
To keep busy, I feel that the Lord told me to just pour everything I have into the youth ministry that I already volunteer for my church. I have offered to do more and plan to focus more on how God wants to use me. It is better for me just to live at church than to be at home all weekend alone and in my head. I do not feel like trying to pursue any other relationship. I have completely given up on that idea as I have been waiting for my one guy. I really hope he finds the Lord through all he endures with this cancer. And in the end, I really HOPE Romans 8:28 will still be true for both of us and our story.
Please pray that I do not let this eat me alive. Please pray that I do not live in dread as I count the minutes and hours I am alone, wondering how he is doing and not knowing what to do with myself. Please pray that God will speak to me clearly and help me understand why this cancer has happened and what I am supposed to do. I cannot believe this will be our summer. He will be receiving chemotherapy treatments every week for the next two months. Please pray for his COMPLETE healing and more importantly, that he comes out with a deepened FAITH & closeness to God…more than ever before!
Thank you for your prayers!