Story time:
Some old friends and relatives probably wonder why I do not follow any of my family in Los Angeles. And while this is private I decided to share not just for others clarity, but for my healing as well.
I grew up in a very volatile and violent home.
I watched my dad beat my mom, my siblings, and me. There were multiple black eyes, stitches in my mom, and very scary moments where my very 8 year old life would be threatened if I fell asleep. I would call myself an observer at a very early age. I knew (and now looking back I would call it the The Holy Spirit gifted this knowledge to me) that something was wrong. I latched onto God’s presence and help as a child without even knowing Him. I grew into a rebellious teenager, bitter and angry and my childhood. I got into trouble and would look for trouble. God sent me my husband at 16 years old. He was everything I never had: calm, grounded, mature, patient and kind. His dad and family were Christian. His dad took me under his wings and taught me about hope. His dad baptized me. I considered him the dad I wished I had. (May he rest in peace.) My siblings still lived at home, (and still do with some of their kids) never moving out and becoming enmeshed in that same toxic cycle. Looking the other way, walking on eggshells, protecting my dad’s outward appearance and pride, rather than honesty and truth and confrontation. I broke the mold. They didn’t like my husband because he was authentic and still is. He works hard , takes care of his family and I have never heard him yell. And because of this there’s an unheard vibration in their presence, “he thinks he is better than us, they think they are better than us”
Slowly but surely (YET BOLDLY) they elongated us from all family gatherings: birthdays, Easter, vacations, Christmas, new years, anniversary parties, anything you can imagine. And when confronted would say “it was last minute” “ You wouldn’t come anyway” “we didn’t know it would turn out this big” “ we thought you were doing something “ “ you’re always invited no need to be told” and my kids saw my many tears of rejection. I told them all (siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts) how it hurt my feelings and never was apologized to but was told “next time”. And every adult pretended like it was someone else’s responsibility to fix it next time, no one taking intiative, no one taking accountability. And then the social media gatherings I saw, just became more spiteful and intentional. Ive tried to reason why they treat me and my family this way, I’ve said to myself maybe it’s because I’m two hours away (people from Rhode Island are invited though) and even felt racism towards me and my family because we’re the only white family. Which makes no sense. They think because they are mixed and that their half Italian isn’t white. But they are just as white as me. My family, as in my kids and spouse, need healing and God’s guidance and prayer and we need to have them take accountability. We need to move on in forgiveness and move on from not being the scapegoats (that doesn’t mean striving to be included all the time, just forgiveness and moving on) we need to do God’s will. Lord we need to let it go and please help us grow together as a family and be who You want us to be in Your Kingdom without idolizing relationships You removed us from, and that no longer serve You. Many unspokens. In Jesus Mighty Name we pray, Amen.