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Beating my head against a wall. How much different does faith feel? Tonight I am discouraged and failing in faith. I know the trials are for my good and for the glory of God. I know what scripture says. I also know how it feels and right now it feels horrible. I am lonely I sit alone most days listening to people who are angry and hateful only to be shut down when I try to express my pain. You would think if I am listening to someone, that I must not be alone. Well you can be alone, in a crowded room. Friendship goes 2 ways or it's just usury. Tonight I am getting drunk. This pain is not visible so it must not exist. I am not visible so maybe I dont exist. I have tried to force my church to love me and that is not right in many ways. Thoughts and prayers.
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